Learning how to face and embrace...
the uncomfortable path to healing.
Living with a debilitating disease presents an undeniable truth: personal healing and growth are only unlocked by accepting and engaging with unavoidable discomfort. The human tendency is to seek ease, but the reality of illness demands constant vigilance, effort, and adaptation. When we attempt to retreat into the familiar—denying symptoms, avoiding necessary check-ups, or resisting new lifestyle protocols—we experience a slow, destructive decline in both health stability and emotional well-being.
Let me start with this point of clarification, strength, in this context, is not the absence of pain but the willingness to push against the inclination toward denial and resignation. It means intentionally moving against the grain of emotional avoidance and fear. This battle is won on the inside: we must constantly resist the pull toward denial and instead learn to make discomfort our friend in our healing process.
The Psychology of Adaptation and Acceptance
This idea is rooted in the concept of moving from a state of avoidance/denial to one of active acceptance. The “denial zone” is a behavioral state where a person operates in the illusion of their pre-illness life, attempting to use limited behaviors to minimize perceived risk. While this provides temporary psychological security, it actually inhibits effective disease management.
Psychological research demonstrates that stability occurs only when we transition into the “Active Management Zone” (analogous to the “Learning Zone”). This is the space where things feel awkward, unfamiliar, and burdensome, which for us, generally translates into adhering to complex protocols, communicating limitations, and managing fatigue. And though these things are “uncomfortable” they are within the bounds of what can be managed for increased strength and stability. Consistently engaging in this necessary discomfort forces the brain into a state of neuroplasticity, a process that allows the brain to adapt to the “new normal” and build sustained psychological resilience. If you avoid the discomfort of treatment, you merely strengthen the brain’s preference for denial, solidifying avoidance as your default coping strategy.
Resilience: Building Strength Through Management
The principle of psychological adaptation finds a deep parallel in Psychological Resilience. Resilience describes how enduring moderate, sustained distress—such as the daily discipline of care—can stimulate a beneficial adaptive response in an individual’s emotional framework.
In the context of chronic illness, resilience applies to facing the daily regimen and the emotional toll: just as enduring a difficult physical therapy session helps strengthen a weakened body part, facing and overcoming the manageable psychological stress of treatment adherence builds emotional endurance. The key is the dose: ignoring the pain leads to worsening health; overwhelming oneself with unrealistic expectations leads to burnout. But the “Manageable Challenge Zone” of struggle—the daily tasks of management that stretch one’s capacity (yet are within perceived ability) is what invigorates a sense of self-efficacy and meaning, preventing the demoralization associated with feeling powerless to the disease.
The Mindset of Enduring Persistence
To harness the energy required to face illness, we must shift our perspective: we must view the feeling of emotional and physical unease not as a signal of defeat, but as a compass pointing toward necessary action, aligning with research showing challenges as key opportunities for learning and expansion.
- Reframe Symptoms as Information: When a symptom or flare-up causes distress, reframe the discomfort. Instead of seeing it as a catastrophe, recognize it as your body providing crucial information necessary for adjustment, communication with your care team, or restorative rest.
- Focus on Micro-Actions and Consistency: You don’t need to tackle the entire disease burden at once. Start tiny: commit to consistent medication timing, take one planned rest break, or clearly articulate one boundary to a loved one (Source 2.3). This strategy of taking small, consistent action is key to leveraging neuroplasticity for emotional stability.
- Find Your Purpose in the Protocol: When the feeling of exhaustion or frustration peaks, anchor yourself to the value of the protocol. This is the moment you are actively forging health stability, asserting your limits, and cultivating a stronger, more resilient self.
By strategically accepting and engaging with the mild, manageable doses of discomfort inherent in disease management, we are consciously engaging the adaptive mechanisms of our brain and body. We stop allowing the limitations of the disease to dictate our destiny and instead begin to sculpt a life defined by growth, stability, and enduring resilience.
Discomfort isn’t the penalty; it is the fundamental foundation for meaningful adaptation.
Soul Care with
Pastor Jenn
To Pastor (verb): to shepherd, advise, and guide into a place of deeper spiritual understanding
His life is the light that shines through the darkness—and the darkness can never
extinguish it.”
This verse is referring to Jesus. He was there in the beginning, before the creation of the world. It’s hard for our human minds to imagine, but it’s true. In Him there was (and is) light. And the darkness can never extinguish it.
Not ever!
I often find myself asking Jesus to come quickly. The world feels like a place full of darkness. And as dark as it feels right now, it only seems to be getting darker. But this verse has a very interesting take on darkness. It says the darkness can never extinguish the light that is Jesus. I don’t know about you, but when I read this, I breathe a big sigh of relief. I feel the tension ease a bit.
Sometimes in the chaos of today’s culture, we lose track of the bigger picture. The truth is, even though we feel in the thick of the battle right now, the war has already been won. Truly! Jesus is the source of light and life, and the darkness will never be strong enough to overcome Him. Even on the days when it feels like all hope is lost, His light shines on.
The war, after all, isn’t ours to win. The success of truth and hope was never solely on us, though we have the privilege of sharing it in our lives, our neighborhoods, and the world. Jesus is all the world needs. Isn’t that wild to think about? He was there in the beginning, and He is still the hope of today. Talk about playing the long game. He has never once thought of giving up. He is the light that shines in the darkness, and we get to reflect that light everywhere we go.
My prayer for you this week is you find hope knowing the light still shines and you find opportunity to reflect it back to your own corner of the world. In Jesus’ name.
Caregivers Corner With
Beauty as a Respite
Caregiver (verb): One who provides direct support for one who is in need of practical help, encouragement and love.
Taking a moment…
The intentional appreciation of beautiful things is a profound and necessary act of restoration, especially for individuals immersed in demanding caregiving roles. Caregiving often leads to significant emotional and physical depletion, as focus remains external and stress levels remain high. By deliberately pausing to engage with beauty—be it a striking piece of music, a serene natural scene, or a captivating work of art—caregivers effectively interrupt the stress-response cycle.
These moments shift the nervous system from ‘fight or flight’ toward rest and renewal, providing a crucial, self-contained space for solace and replenishment. Simply put, this practice is not a luxury; it is a vital mental and emotional reset that prevents burnout, allowing the caregiver to receive pleasure and nourishment rather than constantly expending energy.
It may seem unrealistic to take the time to do any of this but consider this: the act of seeking and savoring beauty actually bolsters resilience and ensures the capacity to give is renewed rather than simply drained. Ultimately, integrating these small, intentional moments of beauty appreciation validates the caregiver’s own well-being, transforming their emotional landscape and making the entire journey more sustainable and meaningful.
Worship Moment
with Joel Salabarria
To Inspire (verb): to fill someone with the urge or ability to do or feel something, especially to do something creative.
Song: Owe You Praise (Spotify and Apple Music)
Band: Elevation Worship (Chandler Moore)
From: “When Wind Meets Fire” (2024)
Sometimes, praise isn’t just a feeling that we can/cannot respond to—it’s what truth demands from us.
You woke me up this morning
Yeah, my cup is overflowing
You have blessed me and I know it
So I owe You my praise
You’re the author of my story
When I thought that it was over
But Your mercy kept me going
So I owe You my praise
Even when we feel incomplete, imperfect, or far from where we hoped we’d be, God’s grace is still sufficient.
That’s the difference.
Today, let your gratitude speak louder than your doubts. Your life… Your struggles… Your healing… They are all reasons to lift Him up.
The inescapable truth is: You owe Him praise.
Piet's Ponderings
To Ponder (verb): to think about something carefully, especially before making a decision or reaching a conclusion.
When you “level up” whether it is to commit to a new habit, heal an old wound, or embrace a deeper path, we should expect resistance.
The moment you commit to a better self, your old patterns, comforts, and even some old relationships will instinctively try to call you back. That call isn’t necessarily malicious; it’s often the simple inertia of familiarity.
Our brains prefer the known path, even the predictable chaos, over the uncertainty of growth. (read that again)
Furthermore, the “old self” didn’t challenge those around you, and their attempts to pull you back down are often unconscious bids to maintain their own status quo. Your past failures and the voice of shame will invariably chime in, whispering, “This is too hard; you’ll fail anyway. Just come back to what’s easy.”
Living the life you’re called to requires the courage to ignore that familiar voice. To “hang up the phone,” Therefore you must first recognize the disguise: the call back often sounds like nostalgia, a sudden craving, or a “just this once” rationalization. Instead of dwelling on what you’re missing, intentionally reinforce the new by focusing on the tangible benefits you’ve gained—the new peace, clarity, or energy.
Finally, remember that your new level demands a new environment; build a new community that supports your growth. Every time you choose to ignore the allurements of your unhealthy past, you solidify the foundation of the new life your building.
So, yeah, keep rising!
Nutrition Nuggets with
Suzanna Hake
To Nourish (verb): the act or process of being nourished.
When was the last time you really looked at your condiments?!
I love that I can instantly elevate any meal by adding a favorite condiment or two. But the problem is, most condiments are packed with inflammatory vegetable and seed oils, added sugars, gums, emulsifiers, natural and artificial flavorings, and more.
Here’s a list of my favorite clean options to turn a boring dish into something delicious!
@bragg apple cider vinegar
@bragg liquid aminos (soy sauce swap)
@simplyorganicfoods spices
@primalkitchen mayo
@primalkitchen mustard
@primalkitchen ketchup
@yellowbirdsauce organic habanero hot sauce
@gmgsalsa salsa
@wildbrine sauerkraut
@seggianofoods pesto
@hopefoods hummus
And for those who want to find their own, here’s what I look for:
– A SHORT ingredient list of real foods
– No added sugars
– No inflammatory vegetable or seed oils (sunflower, safflower, soybean, peanut, canola, vegetable, etc)
– No gums, emulsifiers, fillers
– No food coloring
– No artificial or natural flavors
Happy shopping!
A New Shipment!
Have you ordered your Pocket Prayer Devotional yet?
For two more weeks we are running a special with $5 off AND free shipping!
Use ‘FB live’ at checkout. Order HERE.
Word of Encouragement
Be the Reason!
To Encourage (verb): to give support and hope to someone so they will do or continue to do something
There are regular conversations about “church hurt” and it’s real, I imagine we’ve all experienced it at one level or another.
It must also be noted that the opposite is equally—and perhaps far more—prevalent. I’m speaking of encounters with genuine believers who show up, say the loving and timely things, and stick around when others walk away. I have known and felt that kind of profound love time and time again throughout my own healing journey, and it inspires me to be that same kind of presence for others.
Care to join me?
Lord knows the world could use a little more of that from all of us these days.
Support the work!
The Van Waarde Foundation underwrites and supports a variety of projects related to supporting, educating, and encouraging fellow cancer warriors and their families.
Thank you in advance for your prayerful consideration.
https://www.patreon.com/c/pietvanwaarde
Experiencing a cancer diagnosis is obviously a profound personal setback, and the added weight of self-blame can make it feel even heavier. While it’s natural to reflect on past choices and wonder if you have contributed to our own illness, getting stuck in a cycle of self-condemnation is a separate matter altogether. It’s crucial to acknowledge these feelings of guilt and remorse without letting them define you or impede your journey toward healing. This involves taking a thoughtful and compassionate approach to your past.
The first step in processing this guilt is to separate accountability from condemnation. It’s helpful to own the reality that some past behaviors may have been unhealthy, but this is an entirely different concept from believing you deserve this illness. You can acknowledge, for example, that a long-term smoking habit increased your risk of lung cancer without believing you are a bad person or that this is a form of punishment. True ownership means recognizing the consequences of past actions and committing to better choices moving forward. This is a path of learning and growth, not a cycle of shame.
The goal – and this is really important – is to shift your focus from “Why was I so foolish?” to “What can I do now?”
Next, it is vital to learn and practice self-compassion and forgiveness. Think of it this way: You wouldn’t speak to a friend with a similar diagnosis in a harsh and condemning way; instead you would offer them kindness and empathy. You must extend that same grace to yourself. Forgiveness isn’t about excusing past mistakes; it’s about releasing yourself from the burden of carrying them. You are a person who made certain choices – and yes, maybe some were unwise and irresponsible – but your diagnosis is not meant to define your worth. I am speaking to you as one who has had to work through these very same feelings.
I have resumed my journaling practice to process and release feelings of guilt. I also rely on spiritual friends and counselors for support, as they serve as vital extensions of grace and peace. When I feel stuck, they provide valuable insight and strength, helping me navigate my journey with greater clarity and compassion.
In summary, processing the guilt associated with a cancer diagnosis is a journey of intentional release and radical self-compassion. The key is to avoid the trap of self-blame by embracing accountability and then choosing to extend grace to yourself. By separating past actions from your current worth, you can free yourself from the weight of condemnation and focus your energy on healing, both emotionally and physically. Ultimately, this allows you to reclaim your own narrative and move forward with purpose and peace.
So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus…
Romans 8:1
Soul Care with
Pastor Jenn
To Pastor (verb): to shepherd, advise, and guide into a place of deeper spiritual understanding
“And Boaz said to the elders and all the people, “You are witnesses this day that I have bought all that was Elimelech’s, and all that was Chilion’s and Mahlon’s, from the hand of Naomi. Moreover, Ruth the Moabitess, the widow of Mahlon, I have acquired as my wife, to perpetuate the name of the dead through his inheritance, that the name of the dead may not be cut off from among his brethren and from his position at the gate. You are witnesses this day.”
Ruth 4:9-10
I’ve been studying the book of Ruth for a few weeks now. If you haven’t visited it lately, it really is such a beautiful, engaging story. I encourage you to go back and read it. The thing that keeps stirring in my mind is the idea Boaz was a “kinsman-redeemer”. Now, I admit I don’t understand all the ins and outs of this custom but what I do know is he had the responsibility within his family lineage to step in and care for a deceased relative’s family. He would keep watch care and provide for that family. It’s quite a role, honestly. Quite a responsibility.
The interesting part of the story is who he redeemed. Yes, he redeemed Naomi. And consider all he redeemed her from – a life alone, poor, bitter, without a husband or children. In every way that matters, he redeemed her future. But he also redeemed Ruth, who wasn’t even from his tribe or culture – or faith, for that matter. But he was gracious and saw a picture so much bigger than even Ruth herself imagined. He redeemed her past and her present and secured her a beautiful future full of children and grandchildren. It really is something.
As beautiful as Boaz’s redemption was, it points to an even greater redemption. It’s also a foreshadowing of all Jesus would do for us. He is OUR kinsman-redeemer. The only one who could possibly save us from our past, stand with us in our present and give us a future worth living – Jesus did it all. In light of the story of Ruth, I’m so in awe (again) of Jesus. I pray this week you would have that sense of awe too, knowing that your kinsman-redeemer holds every part of your life in his hands and is planning extraordinary, beautiful things for you.
Caregivers Corner With
Four Things to Remember
Caregiver (verb): One who provides direct support for one who is in need of practical help, encouragement and love.
When you’re helping someone else, it’s easy to get so caught up in their needs that you neglect your own. But as the old saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup. To be truly effective in helping others, you have to prioritize your own well-being.
Here are four things to remember to take care of yourself:
1. Self-Care Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary
Change your mindset. Self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a vital part of caring for someone else. Think of it like a marathon – you can’t finish the race if you don’t refuel. Simple, consistent actions like getting enough sleep, eating well, and taking short breaks can prevent burnout and help you stay strong for the long haul.
2. Set and Enforce Clear Boundaries
Be realistic about how much you can give and communicate those limits. It’s okay to say no to certain requests or to take a break when you need it. By setting healthy boundaries, you protect your own emotional and physical health and prevent resentment. You’re teaching others how to treat you and ensuring your support is sustainable.
3. Ask for Help and Accept It
You are not meant to do this alone. Reach out to friends, family, or support groups. Many people want to help but don’t know how. Be specific. Instead of saying, “I need help,” try saying, “Can you bring a meal on Tuesday?” or “Could you sit with them for an hour so I can go for a walk?” When help is offered, accept it gracefully.
4. Find Moments of Joy and Connection
It’s easy to get lost in the challenges, but it’s crucial to intentionally seek out joy and stay connected to things that matter to you. Whether it’s a hobby you love, a favorite song, or a few minutes of quiet reflection, these small moments recharge your emotional batteries. Remember who you are outside of this role and make time to connect with friends or family who can support you.
Worship Moment
with Joel Salabarria
To Inspire (verb): to fill someone with the urge or ability to do or feel something, especially to do something creative.
Song: Back To You (Spotify and Apple Music)
Band: Michael Mudoh
From: “Back To You” (2025)
Sometimes the path feels unclear, but grace was guiding you the whole time. Every detour, every delay and even the silence, was God gently leading you back to His heart. Not because you earned it, or had pity for you, but because He never stopped loving you.
Let’s get back to HIM!
What if the prayers I prayed
Weren’t really meant for me
Cause My heart can lead me astray
You know what I really need
And the times that You told me to wait
Cause there’s more for me to see
So now I see
Lord it was You
Leading me to You
And I know it’s true
There’s nothing I can do
With you
You always lead back to You
Please help us out…
Take the Survey
To Encourage (noun): to give support and hope to someone so that they will do or continue to do something.
As we begin our third year of sharing stories through the Black Sheep Messenger and The Healing Chronicle, we’d love to hear from you. Yes… even you! Thank you for being willing…
Your feedback will help us understand what content is most helpful and meaningful to you, and what you’d like to see more of in the future.
If you haven’t already done so, please take a few moments to answer our quick, six-question survey. Your thoughts are greatly appreciated and will help shape the future of our newsletters.
Link HERE.
Nutrition Nuggets with
Suzanna Hake
To Nourish (verb): the act or process of being nourished.
Time for another of my favorite recipes, and with football season here, this is a snack favorite. Enjoy (guilt free) with MASA seed oil free Tortilla Chips!
Avocado Hummus Recipe
Ingredients
– 1 cup cooked chickpeas
– 1/2 avocado
–
1 clove of garlic
– 1 small bunch of cilantro
– 1/4 onion
– 1 Tbsp salt
– Juice of 1 lemon
– a pinch of cayenne pepper
– 1/2 Tbsp olive oil
Add all ingredients into a blender. Squeeze in the lemon juice, add salt and blend with water until you reach a creamy consistency.
The Serenity Prayer
To Pray (verb): Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (Philippians 4:6)
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
While many are familiar with the Serenity Prayer, not many are familiar with its history. Over the years the prayer has been attributed to several great Christian thinkers including Thomas Aquinas, Augustine and Francis of Assis, but it was actually written less than a century ago in a cottage in western Massachusetts.
Reinhold Niebuhr was born the son of a German American pastor in Wright City, Missouri. He later became a pastor himself, serving a congregation in Detroit before moving to New York to teach at Union Theological Seminary, where he gained recognition as a theologian, activist and social critic. His brother, H. Robert Niebuhr, a well-known ethicist and theologian is best known as a founder of Christian Realism an approach to ethics grounded in the insight that human beings are called to strive toward their highest moral ideals, while recognizing our inability to fully achieve them. Richard writings deeply influenced his brother Reinhold who also had a poetic flair. And his infamous prayer beautifully captured the heart of Christian realism.
Piet's Ponderings
To Ponder (verb): to think about something carefully, especially before making a decision or reaching a conclusion.
I believe that starting the day with intention is crucial for setting ourselves up for success.
And I will concede that a good cup of coffee certainly helps, however, I’m becoming increasingly convinced that it takes more than that to prepare for the day’s challenges.
In fact, I have become very particular about thoughts and practices that begin my day.
My current routine is built around a very meaningful set of rituals. And yes, it starts with a good cup of coffee, but also includes reading, praying, stretching, plunging, and walking.
Beyond these physical practices, I find it helpful (even strategic) to make a definitive personal commitment (early in the day) to stay alert to the leadings and promptings of the Spirit throughout the day.
Because my daily purpose must be about something more than just making check marks on a to-do list; it must be about being present, open, and responsive to what truly matters.
Helping people…
Cultivating character…
Engaging in redemptive action…
Gaining the applause of heaven…
Quick Reminder
We have room for two more people in the Building Resilience Course. We had our orientation class this past Sunday, but you can still be a part! You can find out more HERE.
If you are ready to sign up please send a note to my executive assistant Jennifer <[email protected]> and she will get you everything you need.
Also, don’t forget, newsletter recipients got $150 discount off their registration fee, and scholarships are available!
Support the work!
The Van Waarde Foundation underwrites and supports a variety of projects related to supporting, educating, and encouraging fellow cancer warriors and their families.
Thank you in advance for your prayerful consideration.
https://www.patreon.com/c/pietvanwaarde
Experiencing a cancer diagnosis is obviously a profound personal setback, and the added weight of self-blame can make it feel even heavier. While it’s natural to reflect on past choices and wonder if you have contributed to our own illness, getting stuck in a cycle of self-condemnation is a separate matter altogether. It’s crucial to acknowledge these feelings of guilt and remorse without letting them define you or impede your journey toward healing. This involves taking a thoughtful and compassionate approach to your past.
The first step in processing this guilt is to separate accountability from condemnation. It’s helpful to own the reality that some past behaviors may have been unhealthy, but this is an entirely different concept from believing you deserve this illness. You can acknowledge, for example, that a long-term smoking habit increased your risk of lung cancer without believing you are a bad person or that this is a form of punishment. True ownership means recognizing the consequences of past actions and committing to better choices moving forward. This is a path of learning and growth, not a cycle of shame.
The goal – and this is really important – is to shift your focus from “Why was I so foolish?” to “What can I do now?”
Next, it is vital to learn and practice self-compassion and forgiveness. Think of it this way: You wouldn’t speak to a friend with a similar diagnosis in a harsh and condemning way; instead you would offer them kindness and empathy. You must extend that same grace to yourself. Forgiveness isn’t about excusing past mistakes; it’s about releasing yourself from the burden of carrying them. You are a person who made certain choices – and yes, maybe some were unwise and irresponsible – but your diagnosis is not meant to define your worth. I am speaking to you as one who has had to work through these very same feelings.
I have resumed my journaling practice to process and release feelings of guilt. I also rely on spiritual friends and counselors for support, as they serve as vital extensions of grace and peace. When I feel stuck, they provide valuable insight and strength, helping me navigate my journey with greater clarity and compassion.
In summary, processing the guilt associated with a cancer diagnosis is a journey of intentional release and radical self-compassion. The key is to avoid the trap of self-blame by embracing accountability and then choosing to extend grace to yourself. By separating past actions from your current worth, you can free yourself from the weight of condemnation and focus your energy on healing, both emotionally and physically. Ultimately, this allows you to reclaim your own narrative and move forward with purpose and peace.
So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus…
Romans 8:1
Soul Care with
Pastor Jenn
To Pastor (verb): to shepherd, advise, and guide into a place of deeper spiritual understanding
“And Boaz said to the elders and all the people, “You are witnesses this day that I have bought all that was Elimelech’s, and all that was Chilion’s and Mahlon’s, from the hand of Naomi. Moreover, Ruth the Moabitess, the widow of Mahlon, I have acquired as my wife, to perpetuate the name of the dead through his inheritance, that the name of the dead may not be cut off from among his brethren and from his position at the gate. You are witnesses this day.”
Ruth 4:9-10
I’ve been studying the book of Ruth for a few weeks now. If you haven’t visited it lately, it really is such a beautiful, engaging story. I encourage you to go back and read it. The thing that keeps stirring in my mind is the idea Boaz was a “kinsman-redeemer”. Now, I admit I don’t understand all the ins and outs of this custom but what I do know is he had the responsibility within his family lineage to step in and care for a deceased relative’s family. He would keep watch care and provide for that family. It’s quite a role, honestly. Quite a responsibility.
The interesting part of the story is who he redeemed. Yes, he redeemed Naomi. And consider all he redeemed her from – a life alone, poor, bitter, without a husband or children. In every way that matters, he redeemed her future. But he also redeemed Ruth, who wasn’t even from his tribe or culture – or faith, for that matter. But he was gracious and saw a picture so much bigger than even Ruth herself imagined. He redeemed her past and her present and secured her a beautiful future full of children and grandchildren. It really is something.
As beautiful as Boaz’s redemption was, it points to an even greater redemption. It’s also a foreshadowing of all Jesus would do for us. He is OUR kinsman-redeemer. The only one who could possibly save us from our past, stand with us in our present and give us a future worth living – Jesus did it all. In light of the story of Ruth, I’m so in awe (again) of Jesus. I pray this week you would have that sense of awe too, knowing that your kinsman-redeemer holds every part of your life in his hands and is planning extraordinary, beautiful things for you.
Caregivers Corner With
Four Things to Remember
Caregiver (verb): One who provides direct support for one who is in need of practical help, encouragement and love.
When you’re helping someone else, it’s easy to get so caught up in their needs that you neglect your own. But as the old saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup. To be truly effective in helping others, you have to prioritize your own well-being.
Here are four things to remember to take care of yourself:
1. Self-Care Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary
Change your mindset. Self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a vital part of caring for someone else. Think of it like a marathon – you can’t finish the race if you don’t refuel. Simple, consistent actions like getting enough sleep, eating well, and taking short breaks can prevent burnout and help you stay strong for the long haul.
2. Set and Enforce Clear Boundaries
Be realistic about how much you can give and communicate those limits. It’s okay to say no to certain requests or to take a break when you need it. By setting healthy boundaries, you protect your own emotional and physical health and prevent resentment. You’re teaching others how to treat you and ensuring your support is sustainable.
3. Ask for Help and Accept It
You are not meant to do this alone. Reach out to friends, family, or support groups. Many people want to help but don’t know how. Be specific. Instead of saying, “I need help,” try saying, “Can you bring a meal on Tuesday?” or “Could you sit with them for an hour so I can go for a walk?” When help is offered, accept it gracefully.
4. Find Moments of Joy and Connection
It’s easy to get lost in the challenges, but it’s crucial to intentionally seek out joy and stay connected to things that matter to you. Whether it’s a hobby you love, a favorite song, or a few minutes of quiet reflection, these small moments recharge your emotional batteries. Remember who you are outside of this role and make time to connect with friends or family who can support you.
Worship Moment
with Joel Salabarria
To Inspire (verb): to fill someone with the urge or ability to do or feel something, especially to do something creative.
Song: Back To You (Spotify and Apple Music)
Band: Michael Mudoh
From: “Back To You” (2025)
Sometimes the path feels unclear, but grace was guiding you the whole time. Every detour, every delay and even the silence, was God gently leading you back to His heart. Not because you earned it, or had pity for you, but because He never stopped loving you.
Let’s get back to HIM!
What if the prayers I prayed
Weren’t really meant for me
Cause My heart can lead me astray
You know what I really need
And the times that You told me to wait
Cause there’s more for me to see
So now I see
Lord it was You
Leading me to You
And I know it’s true
There’s nothing I can do
With you
You always lead back to You
Please help us out…
Take the Survey
To Encourage (noun): to give support and hope to someone so that they will do or continue to do something.
As we begin our third year of sharing stories through the Black Sheep Messenger and The Healing Chronicle, we’d love to hear from you. Yes… even you! Thank you for being willing…
Your feedback will help us understand what content is most helpful and meaningful to you, and what you’d like to see more of in the future.
If you haven’t already done so, please take a few moments to answer our quick, six-question survey. Your thoughts are greatly appreciated and will help shape the future of our newsletters.
Link HERE.
Nutrition Nuggets with
Suzanna Hake
To Nourish (verb): the act or process of being nourished.
Time for another of my favorite recipes, and with football season here, this is a snack favorite. Enjoy (guilt free) with MASA seed oil free Tortilla Chips!
Avocado Hummus Recipe
Ingredients
– 1 cup cooked chickpeas
– 1/2 avocado
– 1 clove of garlic
– 1 small bunch of cilantro
– 1/4 onion
– 1 Tbsp salt
– Juice of 1 lemon
– a pinch of cayenne pepper
– 1/2 Tbsp olive oil
Add all ingredients into a blender. Squeeze in the lemon juice, add salt and blend with water until you reach a creamy consistency.
The Serenity Prayer
To Pray (verb): Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (Philippians 4:6)
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
While many are familiar with the Serenity Prayer, not many are familiar with its history. Over the years the prayer has been attributed to several great Christian thinkers including Thomas Aquinas, Augustine and Francis of Assis, but it was actually written less than a century ago in a cottage in western Massachusetts.
Reinhold Niebuhr was born the son of a German American pastor in Wright City, Missouri. He later became a pastor himself, serving a congregation in Detroit before moving to New York to teach at Union Theological Seminary, where he gained recognition as a theologian, activist and social critic. His brother, H. Robert Niebuhr, a well-known ethicist and theologian is best known as a founder of Christian Realism an approach to ethics grounded in the insight that human beings are called to strive toward their highest moral ideals, while recognizing our inability to fully achieve them. Richard writings deeply influenced his brother Reinhold who also had a poetic flair. And his infamous prayer beautifully captured the heart of Christian realism.
Piet's Ponderings
To Ponder (verb): to think about something carefully, especially before making a decision or reaching a conclusion.
I believe that starting the day with intention is crucial for setting ourselves up for success.
And I will concede that a good cup of coffee certainly helps, however, I’m becoming increasingly convinced that it takes more than that to prepare for the day’s challenges.
In fact, I have become very particular about thoughts and practices that begin my day.
My current routine is built around a very meaningful set of rituals. And yes, it starts with a good cup of coffee, but also includes reading, praying, stretching, plunging, and walking.
Beyond these physical practices, I find it helpful (even strategic) to make a definitive personal commitment (early in the day) to stay alert to the leadings and promptings of the Spirit throughout the day.
Because my daily purpose must be about something more than just making check marks on a to-do list; it must be about being present, open, and responsive to what truly matters.
Helping people…
Cultivating character…
Engaging in redemptive action…
Gaining the applause of heaven…
Quick Reminder
We have room for two more people in the Building Resilience Course. We had our orientation class this past Sunday, but you can still be a part! You can find out more HERE.
If you are ready to sign up please send a note to my executive assistant Jennifer <[email protected]> and she will get you everything you need.
Also, don’t forget, newsletter recipients got $150 discount off their registration fee, and scholarships are available!
Support the work!
The Van Waarde Foundation underwrites and supports a variety of projects related to supporting, educating, and encouraging fellow cancer warriors and their families.
Thank you in advance for your prayerful consideration.
https://www.patreon.com/c/pietvanwaarde
