On the Journey With...
Your kids.
It’s one of the most difficult conversations you will have with your family, maybe especially with your own children. You don’t want them to unnecessarily worry, but you also know that you will need their support along the way. In my conversations with numerous families, I have discovered that many feel totally lost on what to say, so I thought I’d put my “pastor’s hat” on and offer a few suggestions on what to consider as you strategize about this conversation.
First, if you’re facing the difficult task of telling your adult children about a cancer diagnosis, know that you’re not alone in feeling inadequate and unprepared. We have all struggled with knowing how to share the news. From my own experience, the primary and perhaps most crucial thing is to be direct and honest from the start. I know that it is not easy, but it is essential! Cleaning up misinformation and hidden news after the fact is messy business.
Start by choosing a calm, private setting where you can share the news openly. Ideally this would be in person, but if it must be over the phone, think through the same grid. Prepare prayerfully, check your own emotions, and give some thought on how you want to address it. Have the key facts about your diagnosis and treatment plan ready but also allow yourself to share your emotions – it helps them feel it’s okay to share theirs too.
Remember, you’re in control of what you share and when. It’s perfectly acceptable to say you don’t have all the answers yet or need more time to process certain aspects. Encourage your children to be open and to ask whatever questions come to mind and listen carefully to their reactions. Validate their feelings. It’s OK for them to be sad, confused and angry. As it was true for you – the news can be deeply unsettling.
Also, let them know how they can best support you, whether it’s practical help, emotional support, prayerful engagement or just being present. Listening to them and giving them specifics can provide them with a sense of purpose during a time when they might otherwise feel helpless.
It is also helpful to remember that this isn’t a one and done deal. Depending on their personalities they may process the news differently. Some of them may need more time. Some may want more details. Some may need more space.
Therefore, as you navigate this, keep the lines of communication open and check in with your kids regularly. Be patient with their processing, as everyone copes differently and at their own pace. It’s also vital that you lean on your own support system – your spouse, friends, or support groups – because (as you well know) this is a heavy burden to carry. If your children are struggling significantly, gently suggest they might find it helpful to talk to a professional – a pastor or counselor.
Ultimately, the most loving approach is to determine in your own heart and mind to always be truthful and open. You don’t have to share everything. But work hard at not avoiding or minimizing. Timing is everything. Let your children know you trust them and value their support as you face this together. By communicating with care and honesty, you can navigate this difficult chapter as a family, drawing strength from one another.
And as a personal shoutout, I want to say a heartfelt thanks to my own kids who have gone the extra mile in checking in on their “old man” and have offered regular encouragement and support every step of the way – through times of both celebration and lament!
Soul Care with
Pastor Jenn
To Pastor (verb): to shepherd, advise, and guide into a place of deeper spiritual understanding
“We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed”
2 Corinthians 4:8-9
The truth is, no matter how much we may not like it, this life is full of affliction. It’s the hard reality of a fallen world. Terrible things happen to really good people. It’s not just, it doesn’t feel good, and, more often than not, it doesn’t make sense.
Maybe that’s the hardest part – the unanswered questions. You, like me, could probably easily list off any number of questions you plan to ask the Lord one day. But for now, they go unanswered and often that leaves us in a place of feeling not seen by God. Even if we are convinced that He sees us, we long for Him to show us in some real tangible way. We pray for rescue. We pray for a sign. We pray.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this scripture in 2 Corinthians.
“We are afflicted in every way.” Another version says “hard pressed on every side”. I feel that in my soul. “Lord, is there any part of my life that won’t be affected by this trial?”
“We are perplexed.”
“We are persecuted…we are struck down.”
BUT.
But God. Because of Him, we have hope. Because of Him, we are not crushed. Because of Him, we are not driven to despair. Because of Him, WE ARE NOT FORSAKEN. Even when it feels like we might just be. When answers are few, we hold on to truth.
He is with us.
Friend, I don’t know where you are this week. I don’t know how many times you’ve cried out. What I do know is that you aren’t forsaken. You may be angry. You may be disappointed with life. You probably have a million questions and no answers. You might even feel disappointed at God. It’s okay. He’s big enough to handle it. Take it all to Him.
He is Emmanuel – God WITH you.
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So, we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
2 Corinthians 4: 16-18
Caregivers Corner with
Lori Smith
To Support (noun): to provide assistance that enables one to function or act.
I think most people can agree that every situation we endure in life, shapes who we become. Looking back over my own life, at the mistakes I’ve made and when I’ve chosen wisely, I see how they shaped who I’ve become. But I don’t think anything quite marks you like cancer. My husband was not the first person I lost to cancer. In fact, of all the things I feared the most as an adult, it was getting a cancer diagnosis (either myself or someone close to me). So, to say that it has left a mark on me unlike anything else is an understatement. I am changed, forever, from my unexpected time as a caregiver, to my new identity as a young widow. Even in death, cancer continues to shape me.
You might say, why would you give cancer that much power? To which I would answer, cancer does not define me nor does it have the last word, but it has changed me forever, and I cannot undo that. It took the very thing I held most dear in the world. It took the strongest person I knew and withered him up like a leaf in the fall. It came into my house and ravished my family. It cared not what it took from us.
Yet in some ways, it has shaped me for the better. I know now that I am not in control of very much in this life, but God is, and that is freeing. I have more clarity about what is important in life and what isn’t. I know that I can survive my worst nightmare. I know that I can be grieved to my very soul, that the darkest night can surround me, and God is still with me.
As the Psalmist so eloquently put it in Psalm 139:7-12
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
Be encouraged, fellow caregiver. God will indeed use your journey for His glory and for your good. We won’t know how or what it will look like, and we might even wish we could rewrite the story. I wish I could every single day. But, I am trying to take what I can from the ashes, hold them up in surrender, and trust Jesus to do something good with it. My prayer for you is that you will do the same.
Worship Moment
with Joel Salabarria
To Inspire (verb): to fill someone with the urge or ability to do or feel something, especially to do something creative.
Song: Our God Reigns (Spotify, YouTube Music and Apple Music)
Band: Isreal Houghton
From: Covered: Alive in Asia (2015)
In times of uncertainty, we need a fresh reminder of who sits on the throne. “Our God Reigns” by Israel Houghton is more than a song—it’s a declaration of hope and confidence. No matter what’s happening around us, this anthem anchors us in the truth that God is still in control. He reigns over sickness. He reigns over fear. He reigns over every circumstance. Let this song refresh your soul and realign your perspective: You are not forgotten, and your story is not finished. Our God reigns—today, tomorrow, and forever.
Our God is great and glorious
We put our trust in your name Jesus
Able to save and deliever us
We put our hope in Your name Jesus…
Your blessing and honor
Glory and power
Unto our God
Forever and ever
All of the honors, all of the praise is yours
Yours forever…
Hallelujah…, hallelujah…
Our God reings
Hallelujah…, hallelujah…
Our God reings…
And our God is mighty and marvelous
We put our trust in Your name Jesus
There′s nothing to fear You are here with us (oh, Lord)
We put our hope in Your name Jesus
Poetic Encouragement
When You Find It Difficult to Understand
To Encourage (noun): to give support and hope to someone so that they will do or continue to do something.
If…
If you never felt pain,
Then how would you know that I’m a Healer?
If you never went through difficulty,
How would you know that I’m a Deliverer?
If you never had a trial,
How could you call yourself an over comer?
If you never felt sadness,
How would you know that I’m a Comforter?
If you never made a mistake,
How would you know that I’m forgiving?
If you never were in trouble,
How would you know that I will come to your rescue?
If you never were broken,
Then how would you know that I can make you whole?
If you never had a problem,
How would you know that I can solve them?
If you never had any suffering,
Then how would you know what I went through?
If you never went through the fire,
Then how would you become pure?
If I gave you all things,
How would you appreciate them?
If I never corrected you,
How would you know that I love you?
If you had all power,
Then how would you learn to depend on me?
If your life was perfect,
Then what would you need Me for?
Nutrition Nuggets with
Suzanna Hake
To Nourish (verb): the act or process of being nourished.
Often when I write this column, I invite us all to pay close attention to what we eat. However, this week, I want to bring our attention to another important point of consideration – the cookware 🍳 we use can be just as important as the food 🥘 itself.
- Did you know that the materials your pots and pans are made from can leach chemicals into your meals, impacting your health in subtle yet significant ways?
- For example, nonstick cookware pretty much always contains a manmade chemical called perfluorooctanoic acid, also known as PFOA or C8. According to the American Cancer Society, “PFOA has the potential to be a health concern because it can stay in the environment and in the human body for long periods of time ⏰.”
- Studies 🔬 have found that it is present worldwide at very low levels in just about everyone’s blood 🩸. Studies have also presented a link between PFOA exposure and cancer development.
- Here’s a few of my favorites . . .(I just purchased the Caraway pots and pans at Christmas. That is their biggest sale of the year.)
- 360cookware
- zwilling_usa
- caraway_home
Piet's Ponderings
To Ponder (verb): to think about something carefully, especially before making a decision or reaching a conclusion
We all know the experience; that subtle but profound shift in our tastes as we age. The delights and shenanigans of our youth generally fade – often with a well-deserved eye-roll. Yet, this same journey also unveils a newfound appreciation for things we once barely noticed.
For me, that unexpected delight has blossomed in flowers, especially their captivating scents. My morning walks have long been wonderfully interrupted by a particular rose bush, its fragrance a constant invitation. My phone photo library is a testament to its beauty across the seasons. Some six months ago, I finally suggested we get our own. Despite practical concerns from my wife, she surprised me with one on my birthday, and just this week, I transplanted it to our garden. The first fragrant bloom already brought me a deep soul-satisfying joy.
Friends, in this season of sorting through life’s complexities, where a challenge like cancer looms large in the background of our minds, it’s these unassuming moments of beauty that bind us afresh to the inherent loveliness of our existence.
We would be wise to embrace them fully.
A Healing Prayer
For Families Walking the Path Together
To Pray (verb): Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer ad petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God )Philippians 4:6)
Cancer touches the whole family. I found this wonderful prayer (with an unnamed author), that I found so powerful and apropos.
O gentle Source of all that is,
Whose love enfolds us in the midst of crisis,
Look down with grace upon these hearts that bear
The weight of worry, the sharp edge of care.
For those who hear the words that change all time,
Whose future whispers now with fear’s harsh chime,
Grant them a strength that rises from within,
A quiet courage where new paths begin.
And for the loved ones, standing by their side,
Who wrestle shadows, where their hopes reside,
Bestow a patience, tender and profound,
A wellspring of compassion all around.
May hands that offer comfort, touch with grace,
May voices speak with solace in this space.
Let understanding bloom where questions rise,
And empathy reflect within their eyes.
Though fear may linger, and the way seem long,
May hope’s small ember burn both bright and strong.
Remind them of the beauty that remains,
The love that binds, despite the aches and pains.
And in the moments when the spirit strains,
May faith provide a solace that sustains.
Enfold them gently in Your boundless peace,
Until this season finds its sweet release.
In Jesus name…Amen.
Congrats Suzanna!
This past weekend, our beloved Suzanna, who regularly contributes to our newsletter with her nutritional insights, married off her oldest son.
Congrats to Tyle and Ashley!
Support the work!
The Van Waarde Foundation underwrites and supports a variety of projects related to supporting, educating, and encouraging fellow cancer warriors and their families.
Thank you in advance for your prayerful consideration.
https://www.patreon.com/c/pietvanwaarde
