On the Journey With
Cindy Thomas
Cindy and I go back to our high school days. We even dated for a bit. We were basically next-door neighbors, and her parents (both counselors) were especially helpful to my mom, while she was dealing with her post-POW-PTSD. Cindy and I reconnected when I heard about her cancer diagnosis. No cancer journey is easy, but she has had a particularly challenging run. I have been inspired by her tenacity and resiliency. I think you will too.
I am not one who likes talking about my diagnosis. Everyone has their issues and challenges and mine happens to be cancer. But because you are a friend and we have known each other for a long time, I will share some of the highlights (lowlights?) of my own journey. Hopefully it will be helpful to those on a similar path.
I have a form of cancer known as chronic myelomonocytic leukemia. CMML 2. Leukemia is essentially a cancer that infects the blood. CMML is where a person’s bone marrow cannot produce healthy blood. As the disease progresses organs shut down leading to death because their blood no longer can supply the body’s needs to stay alive. My particular CMML is further classified as CMML 2 High Risk because of personal genetic mutations that will likely lead to rapid progression. Chemo is an option to slow progression, but a bone marrow transplant was my only hope of a cure.
I went through several rounds of chemo, but unfortunately that didn’t prove effective. On January 19, 2024, I had a bone marrow transplant. For my donor’s bone marrow to succeed I had to be stripped of my immune system before the procedure and remained isolated for at least four months, followed by up to a year of very limited social contact. Over the next five months I was hospitalized three times for a total of eight weeks. I could not leave my room for fear of infection and because I was too weak. Three weeks after my transplant I developed Bone Verses Graph Disease (GVHD). This is where my organs, which still have my birth DNA, rejected my donor’s bone marrow. This caused intestinal challenges and whole-body rashes. I did not eat for over three weeks and at my lowest weighed only 80 lbs.
Recovery has been a long hard road but I am doing a good bit better now, I still don’t know if I’m “cured” and reoccurrence is always at the back of my mind. This is a daily struggle.
Throughout this ordeal, lots of people would tell me I was being heroic. Honestly, I didn’t (and don’t) really feel that way. Like many people in this situation, you just have to learn to put one foot in front of the other. I know it probably sounds cliché, but it is so true. It is one day at a time. I did have a good support system around me and a great medical team. But with that, I learned that communicating about what I need and prefer is also important. As a more reserved person, I had a rough time expressing my needs, I felt angry and irritable, which are unfamiliar feelings for me. I don’t like imposing or hurting people’s feelings. So, a big learning for me was to be bolder while remaining sensitive and grateful – even with my husband and hospital staff. This might sound odd to say, but even questions like, “How are you feeling?” every few hours aren’t always helpful. I feel that once I learned to be direct and kind with both my medical team and my husband, I was better able to deal with the psychological stresses of my situation.
As a pastor, I know that the faith component is important to you, and I am honestly very grateful for the many prayers that have been prayed on my behalf. But for me, I have a more private kind of faith journey. I don’t go to church and though being ‘born again’ held meaning for me in other seasons of my life, it isn’t really how I would identify myself now. I know it might sound unique to say it this way, but my life and how I live it is the expression of my faith. I am touched by the way people of faith have cared for me. I’d even go so far as saying it has been helpful in bringing me to my present ‘healthier’ condition. But as for my own personal perspective, you might say I’m still sorting it out.
The most important thing for me right now is taking time to make the most of my opportunities. I enjoy my kids and try and see them as often as I can. I am grateful for my husband who spent untold hours traveling back and forth to the hospital to be with me every day for eight weeks, a 4 hour round trip drive. He had to remain isolated from friends, family and social contact to keep me safe and did so with unwavering commitment to my journey.
Bottomline, I realize that I am in a situation where things could turn quickly. But that’s not my focus. I don’t find much value in worrying or fretting about tomorrow. I have today. I don’t take that for granted. And that seems to be enough for now.
Soul Care with
Pastor Jenn
To Pastor (verb): to shepherd, advise, and guide into a place of deeper spiritual understanding
“Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:5-7)
Let’s take a minute to chat about prayer. This passage is one of my favorites. I haven’t always found the prescription in these verses easy, but I do find them straightforward and, for someone like me, that is helpful. Because I find that often prayer feels lofty and sort of vague. I know for sure I’m saying some things to God. I’m fairly certain He’s listening and, if I quiet my heart and mind, He might even say something back to me. But does my prayer cause any action or change in the thing I’m praying about? That part doesn’t feel as concrete to me. And because of that, I often feel a little risky when I pray. Sometimes I may temper my prayers to the things I think would be easiest for God to answer. Sometimes I stay quiet about the situations whose outcome makes me truly anxious. After all, what would it mean for me to boldly pray? What if things don’t go how I hope? What does that all mean?
It would be easy to dismiss it all as God’s omniscience to do as he sees fit. But that doesn’t bring me any closer to Him and I do really want to draw near to God in prayer. Tyler Staton says in his book Praying Like Monks, Living Like Fools, “Prayer can’t’ be mastered. Prayer always means submission. To pray is to willingly put ourselves in the unguarded, exposed position. There is no climb. There is no control. There is no mastery. There is only humility and hope…. Prayer is about presence before it’s about anything else. Prayer doesn’t begin with outcomes. Prayer is the free choice to be with the Father, to prefer his company.”
When I think about the scripture above in light of that statement, it starts to make sense to me. After all, the passage says very clearly, “The Lord is near.” That is the beginning. He’s already near. We just have to choose to be with Him, which is the very essence of prayer – withness with God. It goes on to say that once we make our requests known to God, His peace will guard us. Why? Because we’ve humbly come into God’s presence and chosen Him over our worry and anxious thoughts. We put Him first. And because He is just that good and kind, His presence always delivers peace. When I think of prayer like that, I’m not scared at all to run to my Father, to get in His presence, to sit with Him and tell Him what’s on my heart and to let His peace rule over all.
Caregivers Corner with
Lori Smith
To Support (noun): to provide assistance that enables one to function or act.
I’ve thought a lot these past couple of years about bravery and what it means to be brave and strong. We all know the classic picture of bravery – the fierce warrior who fears no enemy; who courageously steps onto the battlefield and faces the giants. Lord of the Rings anyone? And I think the pandemic showed us on a broad scale how courageous our first responders are in this country. Men and women willing to risk their lives day in and day out to help others. Brave indeed.
People would often note how “well” we were doing or that we were “so strong” when my husband was sick. I was truly grateful that God was using our story to encourage others. Yet, as his caregiver, I felt anything but brave and strong most days.
I did what I had to do.
I wanted to scream (to no one in particular), “I don’t WANT to do this! I HAVE to do this!!!” Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t drudgery. It was “I HAVE to get up every day and put one foot in front of the other and fight, fight, fight, because if I don’t, I might not survive this.” There even came a point in my journey when I told my therapist that I didn’t want to allow myself to feel the depth of the grief of what was happening because I was afraid that I would fall so deep into the darkness I would never come out. I moved through my days, and I clung to the Word of God, because I HAD to in order to survive. Can you relate?
I don’t think any of us would argue that the Apostle Paul was one of the bravest Christ followers to ever walk the earth. Yet, he is the same person who wrote 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Friend, can I encourage you that if you’re in that place, you are brave. There is nothing wrong with being weak so He can be strong. Take some time this week to acknowledge how courageous you are just because you get up every day and move through your day as best as you can. Delight in your weaknesses so that His power may rest on you. Allow His withness to make you brave, and trust that He goes before you in this battle.
Worship Moment with
Joel Salabarria
To Inspire (verb): to fill someone with the urge or ability to do or feel something, especially to do something creative.
Song: He Always Provides (Spotify, YouTube and Apple Music)
Band: One House, Chandler Moore
From: He Always Provides (2020)
This song is a great one because it’s a play on the hymn Great is thy faithfulness!
To realize that no matter what – and EVEN when I can’t articulate it for myself – God still and always provides all that is needed. So, what’s the point of stressing or worrying if we truly believe God is providing. I stand firm on that fact that He always provides!
‘Cause He says what He means
There’s nothing in between
In my heart I believe
Every word that He speaks
Oh, Lord
Your word is good
Your word is good
It’s so good to me
Poetic Encouragement with
Julie Clarke
To Encourage (noun): to give support and hope to someone so that they will do or continue to do something.
I am sharing my friend’s work this week.
The Surge
By Serge (from Kenya)
No conflict cracks your permanent smile
Your joy is contagious
Nothing compares to your laughter
Your stories, they’re outrageous
You help us believe in the goodness
In the power of well prayed dreams
You help us forget the past, the hurts
Of the enemy and his pointless schemes
You sing us to life “Anaweza,
Anaweza Jehovah!”
With prayer that affirms it IS possible
In a fragrantly sung aroma
Your presence it rattles dark places
Brings poverty to its knees
Brings water where there’s none to be found
And parts open the seas with ease.
You speak of the vision,
His dreams as if they weren’t already sown
And create a place of beauty
Where Jesus can become known
You harness the power of unity
To accomplish more than it seems
You facilitate healing in hospitals
Unlike Haiti’s hard brutal gangs
You speak for the hearts that live there
In that dark and dusty place
You pray and pray fervent reminders
“Runners it’s more than a race!”
The way you love others is priceless
There IS no offense in love
Physical pains can’t win the day
Let’s lift our eyes far, far above!
It IS possible!
Nutrition Nuggets with
Suzanna Hake
To Nourish (verb): the act or process of being nourished.
Increasingly, I am discovering that the whole subject of health and fitness is so much broader than I previously considered. For example, we can be stymied by anxiety and fear as much as we can from poor eating habits. So, having a strategy for dealing with these emotions – maybe especially after a contentious election season – is vital.
Here are some simple things we can do to help navigate through the emotions that can
sometimes get the best of us.
🩶Disconnect from technology
🩶Move your body
🩶Step outside into some sunshine and better yet, get your toes in the grass
🩶Be mindful of negative thoughts and gently re-frame them
🩶Gratitude journal
🩶Eat real food especially healthy fats
🩶Drink clean water
🩶Prayer and Bible reading
🩶Deep /Abdominal breathing
🩶A warm Epsom salt bath
🩶Have a conversation with a loved one
🩶Active relaxation – mentally scan your body and as you move through each section,
picture that part of you gently relaxing and releasing
🩶Focus on your 5 senses – go through each one and mentally note what you
feel/see/smell/hear/taste
🩶 Cold therapy – cold shower, cold plunge or even a facial massage with an ice cube.
Piet's Ponderings
To Ponder (verb): to think about something carefully, especially before making a decision or reaching a conclusion.
So many mixed emotions coming out of the election, I felt prompted to share this Pocket Prayer here:
“At the right time he will bring everything together under the authority of Christ—everything in heaven and on earth.” (Ephesians 1:10)
Elections are complicated business. Parties and people go after each other viciously for months and then when we hear the results, we’re all supposed to immediately get along to go along. That’s tough. I think that’s why we need to lift our eyes higher – to that day coming when Christ really will bring everything together under him. He is our ultimate hope and whether we are happy or heart-broken today, this truth is the one that matters more than anything else!
Pocket Prayer: “Lift our eyes to the one who will one day do what no person can do – and that is to make us one!”
Prayer of the Week
Christianity.com
To Pray (verb): Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer ad petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God )Philippians 4:6)
Heavenly Father, I come before you with a heart burdened by illness. You are the great healer, and I place my trust in your loving hands. Grant me strength to endure this trial and courage to face each day. Pour out your healing grace upon my body, mind, and spirit. May your peace, which surpasses all understanding, fill my heart. In the midst of my weakness, be my strength. I surrender myself to your care, trusting that your love will sustain me. In Jesus’ name, I pray.
Amen.
Upcoming Book Party Dates
- 11/20 Book-signing Party (Six Mile Ordinary) Columbia, MO
- 11/22 Book Party (David and Toni Fowler’s home) Tulsa, OK
Interested in supporting this new initative?
The Van Waarde Foundation underwrites and supports a variety of projects and team members committed to supporting, educating, and encouraging fellow cancer warriors and their families. As we look to the future, we are excited about creating a variety of new resources that will provide pastoral support to those battling cancer. This initiative will include this newsletter AND a host of other resources including a new podcast providing helpful information on health and fitness, fresh pocket prayers delivered daily to fellow cancer warriors, a new page on the website “heal” Heal – Piet Van Waarde with weekly reflections on navigating the “dailyness” of the journey, plus a soon-coming book Keep on Healing that will address the top 50 questions people face when confronted by a cancer diagnosis. We want to make these resources available at little/no cost to those who need them, and your support through the Foundation (https://www.patreon.com/pietvanwaarde) makes that possible.
Thank you in advance for your prayerful consideration.
