This Week
Confessions From the Back of the Pen
Meet Miranda Bush...
Miranda is a friend I am just getting to know. She was kind enough to share a story of her recently completed Ironman (her fifth). Impressive! But what makes the story even more compelling is the spiritual journey this event took her on.
Each time I complete a race, whether 5K or Ironman, I always learn something in the journey. While many of these lessons can be used to improve my next race experience, the best ones are applicable to life in broader (more meaningful) ways. This is why I continue to do endurance sports, to push and grow myself and perhaps even be an inspiration to others.
This time my goal morphed into something more spiritually-oriented. I wanted to honor God in this process, and to show up fully as the woman and athlete He created me to be. Although I have not been vocal about it for years, my faith is not a new thing. This story could get quite long, so I will try and keep it (somewhat) brief.
I grew up going to church and was baptized as an adult in 2003. I was very involved in my church at the time, with God in the forefront of my life. When we moved to Oregon in 2009, I struggled to find connection in a church family. Not fitting in set off many triggers for me, and I decided to take it into my own control. Instead of seeking mentorship, I eventually utilized a skill I had developed early in my college years. Rather than being “fake,” I brought a part of myself strongly to the front that I saw as more palatable for
others. In this case it happened to be: local fitness leader.
I still went to church (some weeks), read my Bible occasionally, and sent up some lackluster prayers. But, as I pushed the Christian part of myself more and more to the background, it became less and less of who I was. I wasn’t hiding anything or pretending to be someone else, rather I became someone who still believed in God, who determined I could do it all on my own.
During this time when my faith was lukewarm, my journey through sport was impactful and mostly positive. It brought about self-awareness, compassion, and understanding. It opened my eyes to my ability to be disassociated. As I cultivated awareness, I began to realize how much I struggled to forgive myself for mistakes of my past. I also met and connected with many beautiful people, who I am so thankful are still in my life today. I have always wanted to love deeply, but I just didn’t know why it felt like I was missing
the mark.
When I returned to my faith foundation roughly a year and a half ago, my heart softened. My eyes were opened to how much I had been searching and seeking for something that could fill a hole left in me when I put God in the background of my life. As I re-engaged with my faith, I stepped into a new way of living. I tried to open up to others completely without fear, control, and judgment. I grounded myself in moments by being present when comfortable, and also when uncomfortable. I stopped drinking alcohol to escape or looking for validation online. I prayed instead.
I accepted my humanness. I finally felt free to forgive myself, understanding that I didn’t have to keep searching, but instead I could rely on God’s immense grace. And I was reminded of the beautiful role model that Jesus is in loving people– and in doing so I can love as deeply as I have desired for so long. I am still human and fall short daily. But, instead of trying to be “better,” I accepted my need for a savior.
As I grew closer to God, there was a period during my training where I worried that it was all selfish and useless. I worried that my energy would be better spent on more important duties and relationships. I prayed every day that God would show me how to make this meaningful. To glorify Him. Or, to walk away from it if I needed to. And then while out on a bike ride one day, I felt Him tell me, “It’s not about you glorifying me to the world. It is about these quiet moments of you drawing closer, of learning to trust, of fully surrendering.”
So, instead of fighting myself, I leaned hard on God. I stayed the course. I felt more at ease than ever.
I went into my race believing that no matter how it turned out, I was not alone for one swim or pedal stroke, or one step. And this made me far from apathetic. I made it my goal to use the strength, awareness, and abilities that He gifted me with to give my all. To be thankful for the ways I am blessed and to show up in a way that shows this gratitude. I know that sometimes this kind of vulnerability may be risky to share, but I have always made it my goal to be authentic in my presence. I am going to keep plugging along in my sport, in the causes I support, in loving people, and in serving my athletes well in my work– in God’s strength, power, and provision.
Word of the Week
Details
Plural noun: an individual feature, fact, or item…
I am often deeply moved, when I consider the exquisite detail and beauty God put into every piece of his creation – and what that says about us!
I can’t help but be reminded of what Jesus said, “If God cares so much for the flowers of the field (that are here today and gone tomorrow), imagine how much more you matter to him!” (Matthew 6:30)
In the world, where we are often critiqued, evaluated and seen as ‘less than’, it is easy to believe that we really aren’t that important or valuable. But every beautiful thing that exists is meant to remind us of how much we matter to him.
Ponder that this week, you are way more valuable than you know.
New Video Initiative
#KeepOnHealing
This past week I started a new venture with my good friend Martin Zavala.
I continue to feel prompted by the Lord to provide encouragement and hope to those battling cancer. It is part of how God will redeem my own struggle with this horrible disease.
One of the questions we’ve been processing is how does one provide this encouraement and hope? There are a number of ways that can be done. It can be done direct through prayer, words of comfort, and by sharing a listening ear. All of which I want to do – and have done.
But it can also be done indirectly by reflecting artistically what the path looks like, illustrating how one navigates the journey in real time.
I’m calling it the ministry of ‘identification’.
Starting next week I will begin posting short day-in-the-life videos on both my Instagram and YouTube pages. They will portray snippets of the path as I have felt led to take it. I don’t think it’s the only way to do it, but it as a way, and sometimes we can learn our own way by watching someone else take theirs.
We are almost done with the editing process, and I just want to give a huge shout out to Martin for his creative genius. He is a wonderful film-maker and I love how he has captured the story. Another cool dynamic is that my son’s music will be featured as music bed for the clips.
Please pray with me that God will in fact use these pieces to provide encouragement and hope for those who are struggling.
Health Update
Mayo Report
Carol and I left for Rochester on Wednesday August 21. The next day we were scheduled for a series of scans and tests to check my cancer numbers. Candidly, we were a bit nervous, because there were some physical manifestations that gave us reason for pause. We met with our oncologist on Thursday morning, before heading back to Austin. He reviewed all the results with us.
Drum 🥁 roll…
All good news!!
He told us that everything looked clear. No cancer was found anywhere! Even the bladder was clear – even though I was experiencing similar symptoms to when I first discovered tumors in the bladder. But there is no medical reason for concern. No tumors! It’s the first time in 4 years I’ve had a clear cystoscopy!
With that result, I am breathing a huge sigh of relief!
I know it’s just one report, and we need to be cancer-free for 5 years in order to be considered ‘in remission’ – but this was a very positive and encouraging first step.
Thank you for all the prayers and positive vibes sent!
Studio Update
Sidewalk Conversations to Start In October
As many of you know, we have been homeless for the last few months, but we have good news to share. A good friend and brother (Jared Jolly) is opening up a new pickleball facility that will include several office spaces, one of which he will let me use for the studio. It’s close to home and will provide enough space to reset our three- camera shoot. That means we will be able to relaunch our podcast “SideWalk Conversations” and filming our Pocket Prayer videos.
Over the last few weeks, we have been getting the space ready painting, adding new lighting features, and putting together a new set-design. We are very excited to be getting started again. We will begin filming next week.
In launching season three, I did have the good fortune of interviewing Crystal Rodenbaugh, who is both a great therapist and an impressive business leader and entrepreneur. She speaks very compellingly about how one turns trauma into purpose. You can catch our interview here: Turning Trauma into Purpose wi – Sidewalk Conversations – Apple Podcasts.
